How to Deal With Haters Gracefully | BYE, HATE COMMENTS!

You put your heart and soul into supporting your clients, creating products, and preparing life shifting content for your audience.  Then, the inevitable happens at some point...

HATERS. With their HATE COMMENTS.  Ugh!

That's why today is all about how to deal with haters who troll around in your comments, DM’s and PM’s. 

❌ Hate comments are responses to your posts with malicious intent. It’s an attempt to make you feel less than so someone else feels superior.

And, honestly, some of them are just straight up mean! 

But there’s surprisingly a lot to unpack around this subject, and some really important things to understand about hate comments. 

First, it’s important to understand the difference between constructive criticism vs. hate comments.  

Oftentimes when someone leaves a hateful comment it’s because they're seeing something in you that they wish they saw in themselves, but haven’t been able to accomplish yet.

Maybe they haven’t taken consistent action to get results, or maybe they’ve taken action but haven’t found a business flow that leads to clients and money yet.

So, they get triggered by their own jealousy, shame, or self loathing… and lash out. 

Know that when someone lashes out, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their own internal battle.  Their emotions are not your responsibility. 

To give you an example, I’ve had people tell me I look like a man on social media in the comments section of the picture below. 

I’ve had people call me a bitch, and ask me “Who the F*ck do you think you are?” in the comments of Youtube videos.

People have disagreed with my perspective more times than I can count. I’ve also had my family tell me I was stupid for quitting my job as a teacher, with no backup plan and $4000 to my name.

On the constructive criticism side of things, I've had people offer suggestions, challenge me to think differently, and offer their feedback on how they were perceiving me when I showed up online. 

And yet, after all that… here I am! 

But, why you’re really here is to learn about how I got through those hurtful moments. So, here are some of my top tips on how to deal with haters on social media and beyond.

Step #1: Deal With The Mental Side Of Things

It’s all about perspective, Coach. You get to choose the lens with which you receive every comment you’ll ever get online on ANY platform.

Here are some things to consider before you decide how to respond to haters or if you’re even going to respond at all.

Consideration #1 - Is it constructive criticism or hate?

These are two very different things. Not everyone is a master wordsmith and might come across a little harsh in their comment, but look past semantics and look at the intention behind the comment.  It might be something that could actually support your growth.

Consideration #2 - It's not personal.

Nothing is, really! If you haven’t read the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, I highly recommend doing so. He talks about the four agreements that we have with ourselves and others to create a happy life, and one of them is DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY. Once you understand and embody this agreement with yourself, you’ll be set free from caring what others think. 

Consideration #3 - What kind of mental space are you responding from?

Recognize what comes up mentally and ask yourself if the way you’re responding to haters is from a clear, untriggered mind or from a limiting belief. To know, ask yourself when reading the comment if:

• Your mind tells you you’re not worthy or that your content isn’t good enough.
• You consider changing yourself in order to make others happy or comfortable. 
• Your immediate response is to fight back or defend yourself.

These are all limiting beliefs that we have the power to work through. 

Consideration #4 - You NEVER have to fight for your worth.

Let’s be clear, coach. Regardless of what was said or who said it, your worthiness is NEVER in question. EVER.

So what can you do to overcome these feelings and emotions?

• Stay in your lane, mentally
• Keep the focus on your bigger mission
• Be gentle with yourself with affirmations to help you maintain your self-belief and self-love

What NOT to do is give it extra attention or any of your energy. Meaning...don’t constantly talk about it. Resist the urge to tell all of your friends and family to check out that nasty comment so you can get validated about how stupid that hater is.

Don’t dwell on it, think about it, or let it run laps around your mind and distract you from your higher purpose. Because in truth, that's all it's really doing. 

You’re more powerful than a silly hate comment.

Step #2: Check In Emotionally

Before you react or respond, check in with your emotional and physical state.

What’s happening in your body? Check to see if:

• Your adrenaline is pumping
• Your chest feels tight
• You feel sick
• You have butterflies in your stomach

If you're feeling any of these things, PAUSE before you do anything.

Ya see,  if you’re in fear, some type of shame, or feeling guilty (like maybe you did something wrong), your emotions are telling you you’re not safe or worthy.

Oftentimes people will want YOU to change because THEY don’t feel good or are triggered. This is the epitome of people-pleasing, which is a trait that is easy to fall into if you allow it.

Always wait before you respond.

Take a few minutes to breathe, meditate, and physically calm your body down before you start typing your response. 

Ya never know… after taking a few minutes or a long afternoon, you may realize that it's not worth it to respond!

Step #3: Take Action 

Now that you’ve tapped into your mental and emotional space, you’re ready to take action… and you have a few choices here. 

And remember, before you respond you’re determining whether someone is posting a hateful comment just for the sake of being a hater, and someone who wants to be heard and has helpful feedback... but could work on their delivery.

Once you do that, here are some actions you can take:

1. Delete the comment -Low vibe comments have got to go. If someone has posted a hateful comment for the sake of hate...delete that shit ASAP. You don’t need that in your life, and you also don’t want to subject your audience to hateful energy and messaging, so… BYE HATER.
2. Pretend you don’t see it and ignore it - but still keep it posted. Maybe someone has something valid to say, but responding would be justifying or validating yourself to them, and you don’t need to do that. EVER. However, it could be a topic of conversation for others to respond to but doesn’t need any of your energy.
3. Respond to the comment- If you see an opportunity to add value to the person who left the comment, or perhaps explain your intention in a way that they can understand it better, go ahead and respond with love, patience, and in a way that adds value to the conversation.

Here are some scenarios for If you do choose to respond:

• If you think someone is just wanting to be heard you can simply say “thank you for sharing” or “I appreciate your perspective”
• If you think someone is wanting to be a back-handed hater say “thanks for sharing” or “we all have our opinions”, or just delete the comment and leave it at that
• If you think someone has a valid point (and others are liking and agreeing with their comment)-- take that it into consideration and follow your heart when you write your response.

Here’s the thing, friend, we’re all works in progress and if we’re truly going to grow into the people who achieve the big goals we set for ourselves, it’s going to take some shifting.  And a big part of that is following the 3 Steps to dealing with hate that we talked about.

And Coach, this is just some of the embodiment work I do inside the 12 month Self Led Coach Membership. 

For 12 months, Self Led Coach members get access to 2 group coaching calls, as well as all my online courses, live group coaching experiences, unlimited comment box coaching, and over 50 masterclasses, templates, challenges, and more.

So, if you’re at the point in your coaching business where you’re ready to dive into Self Leadership and embodiment work, and build the most aligned business you know and BE the example of that for others… then invite you to click here to learn more and join the self led coach membership now!

And lastly, if you want even more support and are looking to join a free community of online coaches who are navigating this whole online world just like you, I’ve created a Facebook group to help support your journey and connect you with likeminded people.  Click HERE to join it now!

Until next time, keep building your empire!

Your biggest fan, 

xo KellyAnne

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